no fool

he is no fool

who gives what he cannot keep

to gain what he cannot lose.

-jim elliot

"bach street boys"

and indeed, they were jamming bach with their guitars.

office lottery pool

tonight's mega million lottery jackpot is apparently the biggest amount in its history -- $640 million.

because of this, people in the office decided to make a lottery pool.


I read in CNN that the chance of winning is 1 in 175 million,

but in the comments for that article,

a person wrote,

"it's all about the time between me buying the ticket and someone else else winning it.

before I realize I didn't win, I can enjoy imagining what I can do with all that money"


with the thoughts of making the people around me happy,

I chip in.

rev up

it took some time for me to start the day,

but I'm now fully functional,

nibbling on some awesome cupcakes as I do some work.



going to make it a personal mission to get an hour nap right after work.

the clock game (3)

it's getting to a point where

if I see the time,

and I just remember about the the clock game,

I'm compelled to pray.

maybe I'll get to the point where I'll pray every time I see the clock..

work

didn't think about it:

since when did I start working 11 hours a day..?

angell hall

inscribed on the top, an excerpt from the northwest ordinance:

"religion, morality, and knowledge, being necessary to good government and happiness to mankind, schools and the means of education shall forever be encouraged"

reference room

quiet study area in the graduate library,

had a decent amount of people even on a saturday

office hours

computer lab where I held most of my office hours for ENGR101

now I can't even log into these computers..

sadako

japanese restaurant where I worked as a host for a little less than a year during college--

first place I went,

said hello to the manager and the chefs,

ate some great food

michigan

for sure, it's the same old michigan that I left months ago,

but small little changes were evident.

one of the school bookstores closed,

a new apartment complex was being made on top of the supermarket I used to frequent,

the starbucks went through a nice remodeling--

but it still felt like I never left the place.


tried to meet as much people I can meet.


most of them seem to be doing well,

enjoying the learning in classes,

finding jobs,

and going for that master's or ph.d.


and all the reminiscing,

grabbing my stomach with laughter with the funny episodes

and being reminded of things I  had totally forgotten.


more to come,

too sleepy to think.

morning

God reminded me today that He teaches me through my shortcomings.

Father,

closer to You I will go.

bach's cello suite no. 1 - prelude

my favorite classical piece.

I used to like rostropovich's interpretation when I listened to it during college,

but when I listen to it now,

it's too fast for my tastes.

yo yo ma's interpretation seems to have the tempo I am in currently.

look far

Father,

I understand that looking down when walking helps me kick away the rocks or walk around the puddles that come my way

but will not get me ready to face walls or pits

that I was to run up and jump over.


grant me Your wisdom to lift my chin a little higher when I walk,

Your strength to run forward when I see an obstacle,

Your courage to not be afraid of facing the rocks and puddles head on if need be,

and Your love so that I keep running.

nice little area

about a block from work,

there's an area with an artificial waterfall and tables and chairs

hopefully soon I'll take the initiative of ordering take out lunch and eating here.

new jacket

finally something other than black.

I was really tempted to get something of a lighter color,

but basics first.

along with a tie clip

hat?

tried wearing a hat,

didn't get it, but thought it was neat. 

maybe I'll get one later?

thoughts

often my mind goes in an argument with itself,

each half proposing what is the best way to live life--

whether I'm doing the right thing, 

thinking the right thoughts,

looking towards the right direction--

trying to calculate what cannot be calculated,

being concerned about things that will only increase the concern.

then God, 

Who seemed to have been observing me while I was doing this,

joins in the conversation.

"so what's the topic?"

and as soon as I hear that, I realize how dumb my self conflict was.

trying to make the decision by myself

makes me realize, but deny, that no answer or decision is going to be perfect.

there are always pros and cons on each side,

and the fact that you're going to miss out on the good side of a path you don't take makes me

sad,

stressed.

you know, how do I know that I made the right choice? 

but there's one thing I know for sure,

and it's that God knows what's right. 

so the only logical answer to this situation is to put my bets on the One who knows.

in every decision, 

no matter how small,

let there be prayer.

the clock game (2)

I've been seeing repeating numbers on the clock quite often today.

Father, thank you for keep reminding me that I live for You, 

even during dull days like today. 

ad in boston

live humbly,

love recklessly.

bus back home

meeting efrain and his college housemate-buddies,

spending time like we did back in college,

doing things without caring what others think,

you know, just like those kids that sat behind me in the bus.

at the moment it was like nothing had changed.

it was a great time,

being once again a young college kid,

and not the analyst going through the daily grind.

by the way,

boston is a beautiful city.

the neighborhood steve lived in had apartments between winding streets that go up and down,

with antique streetlights dotting the sides.

in a way a very clean and orderly variation of Korea's 골목길s.

and now back to reading "moneyball."

bus to boston

window seat with the seat pegged to the reclining position,

pair of loud college kids who think they've got the bus to themselves at my back,

obviouly audible phone conversation about someone missing their flight,

some sizable chap snoring in the seat beside me,

his arm and leg invading my area.

slept a little,

reading an ebook of "moneyball" that I randomly bought a few weeks ago.

bus ride wasn't as bad as it should be.

almost there.

"a morning prayer"

funny prayer I read in the internet:

"So far today God, I have done all right.
I haven't gossiped. I haven't lost my temper,
and haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty
selfish, or over-indulgent. And I haven't told
anyone to mind his own business and stay
out of mine. I'm really glad about that.

But in a few minutes, God, I'm going to get
out of bed; and from then on I'm probably
going to need a lot of help."

gq

never bought magazines before,

but this gq issue seemed contain a lot of talk about suits,

so I grabbed a copy.

morning walk

as I walk to the subway station,

still getting used to being awake,

an old man that was passing by looks at me and says

"you have nice hair."

caught me off guard,

but thankfully I was able to reply

"thank you sir, have a good morning"

before we continued to walk our way.

nyan cat

during the summer,

there was a popular internet meme/video called nyan cat,

where a video of a cartoon cat clothed in what appears to be a pop tart is shown flying through space with rainbows streaking it, with a techno-y music that constantly went "nyan nyan."

funny at first, but then it gets really annoying.

I had a copy of the music for an alarm, but somehow it ended up in my music library.

as I finish what was one of the more tiring days of work, I put my earphones on,

shuffle play.

this nyan cat music comes on.

maybe I was just too tired,
I just let the nyan nyan run through my ears.

comics

I used to love reading Korean web comics from daum or naver.

since when did I stop reading them?

suddenly missed them.

spring

I wish I get to see some cherry blossoms.

the clock game

I've recently made a game I play with myself,

where whenever I look at the clock and the time is of the same number (1:11, 2:22, 3:33...),

I just stop whatever I do and pray.

doubles as a reminder to myself if I've been living with Christ in mind so far today.

it's been a great help so far.

monday

ah, the breakfast tea is back.

let's have a good week.

weekend

for most of this weekend,

I'm in a state where

I'm not tired enough to say I'm tired

but tired enough to not be able to do deep thinking.

mtm (made to measure)

couple of weeks ago, 

I was looking at made-to-measure shirts,

and decided to try getting one.

ordered online, 

using rough measurements based on my best fitting shirts.

the shirt came yesterday.

measurements were good overall:

a bit tight on the chest, but it's alright.

along with a tie I bought last week.

the rich man (matthew 19:16-30)

although this wasn't the main passage for today's service,

the message did shed some more light into this story. 

I had always imagined the rich man to be this prideful man,

who, when replying to Jesus that he had obeyed all the commandments,

was being a spoiled brat that did not know what he was talking about.

but the message today depicted the rich man to be someone who was sincerely touched by Jesus' message, 

who has lived a good life ("kept" all the commandments) until now

but realizes that he is missing something ("What do I still lack?").

the fact the he realizes this and approaches Jesus to find out what he is missing

shows how sincere he was about eternal life.

and what he was missing was having Jesus as his life's top priority.

for him, it was his money.

when Jesus said that he should give all his possessions away and follow Him,

he wasn't furious about how ridiculous such a request is,

or ask if there could be anything else,

or even try to compromise. 

he was "very sad."

he knew that was the answer--

not just the action of giving everything away,

but that he had to have the feeling of willingness when thinking of that idea,

which only comes from putting Jesus above all. 

when we put something above our Father, 

we can only feel that something is "missing" despite having received salvation.

because the thing that we put above Him takes a priority, 

our feelings are controlled by that and not God. 

if it is money, not having all the money you want will make you feel that feeling of missing something,

if it is grades, not having that perfect (at least sought for) score,

if it is looks, not having the pretty face or the fit body,

or if it is love, not feeling loved by the other.

in this case,

anything other than God will give us that missing feeling. 

only when we put Him in the top do we feel whole,

happy no matter the situation with the sure of His love. 

phone call

my brother called me at night,

first started as a "how's everything" call,

the occasional status update.

then it became a fairly long conversation,

mostly about faith.


about involving Him in our lives,


how even the biggest troubles and hardships are manageable if we involve Him in it,

and and even the smallest things trouble us otherwise.


as we talked,

I began to realize that

while I rely on God on many things,

I ironically try to rely only on myself when trying to maintain my relationship with God.

a very prideful, stubborn thing to do..


when I feel like I have gone away from Him,

I try to go back to Him myself,

asking no one for spiritual guidance.

it's a dangerous situation where I might one day be unable to handle on my own

but have no idea where to get help.


now I know,

so Father, help me change.

long day

new team is revealing its true face.

caught off guard with all this

no. ga. da.

a ja a ja.

let's chug through this.

washing feet (john 13:1-11)

it says that He knew "that the time had come for Him to leave this world" and by doing this, he "showed them the full extent of His love." 

in other words, the last thing Jesus wanted to do was to show His disciples that He loved them. 

a side comment for this passage says that this correlates also with human behavior. 

when people know that they will die soon, 

they say that their biggest regrets were not about not achieving goals,

riches, success, or fame, 

but not having loved others enough, 

having had ill feelings towards others,

not forgiving and being forgiven. 

for people to think this when everything is going to be over soon,

it means that that's the biggest thing that matters in this world.

us, now knowing this,

have really no reason to wait til then 

to be kinder to the people around us,

to embrace those who give us a hard time,

and to cut our selfishness and live to make others happy.

...wear another shoe

to comfort the sole.


such a beautiful play with words.

listening

downloaded a sermon on audio format last night.

listened to it while coming to work.

it feels great.

being of help

let me not pore on how I can be of help for someone or some situation,

clarify: how I should be the actual source of help,

but focus on praying to God that He helps,

and be ready on my part to help

in case that He wants me to be the the help that He sends.


know my place: it is not my choice, but His.


so that in the end,

if the help is achieved,

all glory goes to Him,

whether it was through me or not.

french cuffs and good tie+shirt combos

the code I'm working on lately takes a ridiculously long time to build, so I went out on a short walk during one of these builds.

passed by a Thomas Pink store.

they're so good with their tie and shirt combination choices..

hoping to follow through with the mindset that the next shirt I buy will have french cuffs.

john 12:27,28a

"Now my heart is troubled,

and what shall I say?

'Father, save me from this hour'?

No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour.

Father, glorify your name!"



I should never forget,

that Jesus had the hardest decision to make for our Father.


and it resulted in the greatest exchange.

what would He do

it's not that the answer is becoming harder,

I'm just scared, sometimes sick and tired, that what I think would the answer is in fact the answer.

scared because sometimes,

deep inside,

 you doubt that it's going to end the way you want it,

sick and tired because honestly,

the answer never changes. 

always the same, the black and white. 

but then again,

it's called the straight and narrow road for a reason.

I didn't ask myself this question as often as I should,

possibly willingly,

but I should push myself to ask this more often.

tea choices

my new desk, my new floor

has only green tea and earl grey tea in the break room.

farewell english breakfast tea and lemon herb tea.

meal prayer

had to go to an earlier church service than my usual,

since the guys were leaving in the afternoon. 

guys already understood that I would be unavailable during times in the weekend because of church,

being the whole "church boy" and all,

but I had told them that I'll try to be around with them as much as possible. 

as we met to eat lunch,

Ed tells me that he wants me to pray for the food.

without hesitation, I thanked God for the meal,

our friendship, and the opportunity to meet again. 

I'm starting to realize my purpose as the "church boy,"

and I should start playing my role more actively.

magnificent bastards

back to being the oddball in a circle of smokers

telling Johnny to shut up when he says something stupid

but not actually meaning it because it's funny as hell.

just sitting around,

talking about what had happened, is happening, is hoped to come.

it's like I'm back in Ann Arbor again.

italy

positano, italy

cinque terre, italy

one day,

I'm going to strap myself with a dslr

and go to these places.

rain

raining outside after friday service,

got wet walking to the subway

then found out that the subway home wasn't operating.

heck, I'm already wet,

decided to walk home.


talked to God as I walked,

and He tells me

carry on.

morning

bagel with eggs and english breakfast tea

made the morning very pleasant.

awake (numbers 17)

morning service talked about how the budding of Aaron's staff was God's sure sign that Aaron was indeed appointed by God as a leader,

that thinking that the budding of the staff, a dead piece of wood, was pure coincide,

that it was meant to be,

is rubbish.

the message then told us to be awake to God and the things He does for us,

so that we may not just brush it off or take it for granted.

months and colors

thinking about it,

I think I've always associated months with colors:

january - white
february - sky blue
march - emerald
april - pink
may - light green
june/july - yellow
august - violet
september - dark green
october - orange
november - maroon
december - gray, with a hue of blue

most of these colors seem related to the climate related to these months.

every time the month changes, I can feel my mind "changing colors".

new glasses

so I saw this ad for an online eyeglasses seller.

it said that first time customers get their first pair for free.

I thought it wouldn't hurt,

had my prescription with me and all,

so I ordered a pair.

had to pay shipping, but it was worth a try.

and lo and behold, 

not bad for a free pair of glasses.